In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
