Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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