life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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