I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
