My nipple is on Facebook.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
