If i come over, it means nothing
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
