I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
