He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
