it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
