I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
