you have to choose: penises or morals?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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