hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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