Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
