He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
