Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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