Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
