That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
