yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize