I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
