Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I didn't notice because vodka
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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