break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
