ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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