He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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