i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
