Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
