Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize