my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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