My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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