Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My liver just broke up with me...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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