i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
