my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize