Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
