could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
How's work?
Spinning.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
