Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
