the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
