I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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