Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
