I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
