She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
