just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize