apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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