My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
