i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
