And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
my liver is dry heaving
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
