First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
