I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
