respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize