You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
