Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
