I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
