i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
