Don't make out with my wife yet
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
