As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize