Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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