So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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