The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
