70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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