Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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