you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
