I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
