i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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