And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
