I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
