you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my shit smells like andre
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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