Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
