She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
