I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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