3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
